Naked Gardening

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Now I have your attention, let’s get down and dirty. But not until May 2nd which is tomorrow as I write this and probably the day of as you read this or some days after if you lag behind my postings. Nomatter. Naked is as naked does whenever it occurs and even after the fact. Naked never goes away. You see it everywhere, even when you don’t want to. Only the sight impaired are spared the humiliations and horrors of even their own nakedness. For the rest of us its unavoidable. Some time somewhere you will see a naked person even if it is only yourself.

But of all the venues in which nakedness takes place, probably the two that make the most sense are on the beach and in nature, read garden in this case. Because May 2nd is World Naked Gardening Day. If you didn’t know that already, you know now and the pressure will be on whether or not your gardening day is going to be the same old, same old or in the buff. No pressure. No one is forcing anone to do anything. But if you are one of those who religiously follows the events calendar, you know, earth day and this or that day, then you will be thinking to yourself, ‘should I or shouldn’t I?’

It all depends on your upbringing and sense of decorum. Not to forget the neighbours who may not be as open-minded as you and who may object to your bits bobbling about in your garden. If you live in a more remote area, unseen by others, have a rooftop garden or some other secluded spot to show off your green fingers (green thumbs in North America), then you may get away with gardening in the nude tomorrow and every other gardening day for that matter. But if you live where I live, there is an issue. Gardens in London, England tend to be very small and in full view of any number of surrounding homes, the curse of row housing in Britain. My garden (back yard) is only 65 feett long and 20 feet wide, considered pretty average for this city, but small compared to back yards in Canada where I grew up.

And therein lies the issue. At what point do you get naked to garden when there are so many windows overlooking your garden? And would I get arrested if I did? You must understand, I have nothing against being naked. I love the idea. Outdoors, in the sun (though the amount of sunscreen boggles the mind), wearing only a hat and a pair of gloves (essential). What could possibly be more natural and freeing? Some of you might be anxious about spiders, ants and other little critters finding their way to your nether regions. Not to worry really. Without clothes you can at least see them on the move. With clothes on they are hidden and likely to cause all knds of secret indiscretions.

I think that many of us are quite probably closet nudists. We’d like nothing better than prancing about naked in the great outdoors. We secretly admire those who have the guts to get naked at nudist colonies and resorts or on the nudist beaches. Not far from where I live there is a nudist Bed and Breakfast. Haven’t tried it or had the need to do so, but I salute their ingenuity. No complaints from the neighbours either. They probably worry they’d be done for being Peeping Toms and Tomasinas. I was surprised that such a thing would be legal but apparently there is no law against it. The only thing I worry a little about is sitting down to breakfast with a bunch of other naked people. The word hygiene comes to mind. But then I, like you, have eaten my breakfast in the buff. As far as I know I’m still alive. The shared experience is another matter. I’ll have to think more on that. I know for a fact, though, that some of you do your housework in the nude. There is no special day for that.

Naked gardening is something else all together. First, you have to be a good gardener or at least like to garden. I tend to kill off that which I sow. I’ve tried all sorts of things and find that every year I have to plant something different to replace the other thing that died. Is it the soil? Is it the climate? Is it simply me? Way too many variables for my lazy mind to wrap around when it comes to figuring out what to plant where and when. The names of plants alone can throw you off. I was given a clamatis (sounds like a certain disease)  by a neighbour as a thanks for something I did for them. Damn, I thought, what do I do with this? I found a spot in the garden and planted it. The thing already came on a small lattice with a few flowers on it and a little card attached to the lattice with some basic instructions on where to plant, how much sunlight the thing needs and how to care for it. Damn! Already way too much information.

But I gave it a go. I owed it to my neighbour at least. I did everything the card said to do. I even went online and found more helps. I watched the thing begin to branch out and remembered reading that I needed ever larger lattices to guide the thing on its journey up and outward. I found myself at garden centres (wonderful places really) looking for lattices and other gardening implements with which to best care for the thing….sorry, the clamatis….and, wouldn’t you know it, it thrived, lovely pink flowers being the reward. This Spring I need another lattice as it continues to grow. I was away for a couple of weeks in Canada and when I got back, the clamatis was in full bloom again. Gives me the gumption to try something else, plant another thing….one that needs no lattices.

I did all the above fully clothed mind you. I mean I wore shorts and no shirt, but the essentials were covered. My best friend wore a shirt while helping me garden. Decorum. My best friend is no gardener either. We tend to kill things together. We feel the clamatis has helped us turn the corner in that department. We’ll see. And it’s a new day. I wrote the first part of this Blog last night on May 1st. It is now May 2nd, World Naked Gardening Day. There is much gardning to do today, having just returned from abroad and Spring in full swing. Now, the decision to make. Do we just go for it and get naked to garden or do we remain steadfastly conventional and clothe up? Oh the dilemma.

Damn! I just stepped outside and it is a chilly one today. Unusual, but not altogether unknown for this time of year. I’ll just check the forecast for today. Damn! Strong winds and heavy rain at times. I don’t fancy having my bits blowing about in the wind and having a frozen behind. It’ll be too wet to garden anyway. Damn! I was so looking forward to getting naked in the garden too. It’s a long weekend here (Bank Holiday weekends they call them in England) and many of the neighbours are away. It would have been the perfect time to do gardening au naturelle. But, can’t do anything about the weather. Damn!

I do hope the weather is fine where you are. I look forward to the reports of your naked exploits in your gardens today….if you are brave enough and so choose. Just keep an eye out for the prickly bits on some of those plants. The damage could be irreparable.

About geezerbluesoflondon

Writing and Music are my passions. I have been honing both for six decades now. I was born in London, England but spent most of my life growing up and being educated in Canada. In 2006 I moved back to London, England where I teach music from my studio and write (Two Books self-published to this date www.wordimensions.co.uk). I have three grown children. I hope you enjoy what you read.

One response »

  1. OH LARRY!!../Lawrence …So disappointed that i am reading this months too late to participate ,:( LOL. I think that I shall stick to my outdoor tub and shower and keep it at that, at least until I can play the crazy old lady card . in which i intend to max out when the time comes…..(slippers to Walmart in curlers.)….damn straight !!Your neighbors gift of a vine that grows easily,quickly and covers alot of ground makes one wonder is she/he hiding from you or perhaps wants to hide you from said cursed day. ! Cheers from Canada , Susette

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